I feel you

In the cool summer breeze that blows,
I feel you soothe me.
In the voice of ocean waves, so low,
I feel you move me
As deep as the forest's roots go,
I feel you love me.

Eyes like clear mountain stream,
Object of a young man's dream.
Scent like the fresh air of spring
Take me high, give me wings

But parting is such, I was told,
Your hand I cannot hold.
I was living on a lie,
I have only clear blue sky
To feel you.

Me, myself, and...

I often wonder about how much of who we are is actually who we are. We present ourselves in a particular way to the world around us, we put certain thoughts across to the people we meet, and there is an image that the world has of each one of us. How much of this image comes "naturally" to us? Is it really in our nature to behave the way we behave? Not totally. There is something that we put on every time before we leave home, something we put on every time we have to meet someone- rather like makeup. This makeup kit comprises different cosmetics: the way we think we should behave, the way we have been told to behave (upbringing), and our general notions of how to make any particular interaction successful (how to behave in an interview, the "rights" and "wrongs" while going on a date...).

This bothers me. It bothers me that I cant be the way I was born to be, that for the sake of making daily ride through this roller-coaster world smoother, I have to wear this makeup. There is so much in my behaviour that is certainly a natural part of my character. I am very sensitive to it, and it needles me every now and then. And I can feel it when someone does the same with me- I can see their makeup, and I feel like telling them that they need not go through the trouble of wearing it. It is most conspicuous in large social gatherings- in dinner parties, dance clubs, business conferences- this is when it chokes me the most.

I try to rid myself of this habit as much as possible. The remnants of it, I treat as a necessary evil. I mean c'mon yaar ! Just be yourself, just do your thing.

Lords of the Dark Side

I am quite a music junkie, and music in any form is something that keeps me going, day in and day out. Hard rock for me though, has always been more equal than other kinds of music and it is something that I really cannot live without. Over the years, the dark metal of Black Sabbath has had a firm grip on my mind- there was a phase in between where I didn't listen to them, but I came back soon enough.

Before I move on- Black Sabbath is a band formed in the late sixties and these guys are the Creators and Gods of dark metal- if not for Sabbath, metal would not have been what it is today. They wrote the story of heavy metal- and inspired today's greatest bands.

What is it about their music that captivates their fans? Darkness is the defining feature of their music and lyrics- sin, death, and hopelessness are the main themes. I suppose to some of us, sub-consciously at least, this darkness is alluring. There is something that draws us towards these things, even though logically we shouldn't be- and keeps us there. Black Sabbath was born at the height of the hippie movement. They rode against the wave of coolness and happiness that defined the sixties and seventies. That made them appeal to those who rejected conventional coolness and hippie culture.

And then of course, there is the music itself. It is heavy, at times weird, and most importantly, deliciously addictive. I haven't heard better bass than "Geezer" Butler's in any band to date. Ozzy is a phenomenon- his voice reverberating with sounds of psycho-ness. It was a voice that was never meant to make music, but ended up leading a revolution. They created music that reached into the darkest corners of our minds, appealed to the mad human being inside, and made something beautiful out of all the psycho-ness.

I still have the first Sabbath cassettes that kept me company for months and months at age fifteen, when I innocently picked them up at a sale. I am sure Black Sabbath and it's music will remain a dark treasure for many like me in the years to come.

Looking Blogwards

INTROSPECTION was something that always came automatically to me. It is a good thing in moderation, but quite often it has been an unwanted guest roaming the densely populated corridors of my mind. And now it is paying a visit to this blog- in moderation I hope.

It has been about 4 months since I started the blog, so at this point I start wondering what exactly it is all about. Most blogs do have variety in what they contain, but there are at least one or two common themes or flavours. This one blatantly seems to be dipping it's fingers in everything- small things about my everyday life I observe and want to make fun of, sports analysis, poetry, music and travel. It seems to have so many extreme moods- extremely jovial, extremely sad, extremely analytical- when I read it myself, I feel like I have pulled out bits of different blogs and made a collage of everything. Seeing such extremeties sitting within a blog-post of each other almost scares me. And the fact that it is my own blog- scares me even more. How do I find a single title for this? It throws me into an infinite spiral of confusion!

What does this blog mean to the world anyway? It isn't a tech log, isn't a site for poetry, not a dedicated sports blog, and doesn't contain any socially or politically relevant material.

It's a blog about nothing, and, at the same time, a blog about everything. Maybe it's a "mind-graph"- it traces the wild fluctuations in the mind of a man who is beginning to explore life- and is happy about it.

The most disrespected book ever

ONE has to feel for the DMV rules of the road booklet- yes, the one which we have to read before ticking boxes on a sheet of paper and being honoured with a driving permit. There are books that people read for pleasure, for professional growth, or simply with urgency because they have to. But this one, I have seen people read only when they have nothing to do- absolutely nothing. When you don't have an impending deadline, don't have anything fun to do, or everyone else is busy with their own thing, that's when you read the DMV book. Sure, you can argue that people read the DMV book to pass the test when they really need a license, which would push it into the third category mentioned above. Even so, it tends to receive the least amount of dedicated mind power. I don't think that there any piece of literature that gets the sort of casual treatment that this does. We even begin with the assumption that we are going to pass the test, eventually at least. After all, they let you take the written test something like three times for ten bucks- utter disgrace.

The poor thing doesn't even have a price attached to it- you can download it for free. Just imagine the abuse- get it for free, give it lowest priority, and have no fear of treating it casually, for there is always next time. I don't have any quarrels with the present setup, but I pity the book, especially if it has feelings.

An amusing thought: will there be a day when people pre-order their rules of the road, rush into bookstores to get them, and perhaps try and be the first ones to finish?

Nerds gone wild

THERE are some sights- like a lightning bolt, a hurricane, or a volcano that make us stop for a minute when we least expect to be stopped. We are completely dumbstruck, and all we can say is- "what on earth was that"??

One such sight is the stereotypical nerd having his or her share of the spotlight. Some random flashbacks of geeks losing control (wild dances at random places and unreasonable alcohol intake at inexplicable moments) have inspired me to write on this lazy Thursday afternoon.

The world must take note of this. There may be cool dudes with their I-don't-give-a-damn attitude, hotshots who steal the show, those who liven up any party or burn any dance floor- but the geek letting loose in a bar or club deserves its share of respect, because much like what we see on the discovery channel, these sights are rare, breathtaking and amusing.

There is one obvious explanation for the nature of nerd outbursts. Nerds rarely go on drinking sprees find their groove to a groovy track. But then when a combination of circumstances and curiosity give them a little taste of the wild side, they shed centuries of inhibition. What follows is their transition to a parallel universe, where it is just him\her and whatever gets him\her high- nothing else matters. This particular level of disregard for everything else while is seldom achieved by anybody. The late 80's paid tribute by integrating such characters into their movies- mostly high school geeks getting drunk or stoned, and dancing away. This was funny and often as a result the nerds grew cooler than the cooler gang.

Weird?Freaky?Funny? Whatever you may call it, I'm sure you would have witnessed such glorious acts at some point in your life.

And as a nerd having been there, done that, I dedicate to it a blog entry.

The Perfect Coffee Shop

I don't know how it all started, I don't know how it grew on me- but the cafe/coffee shop has become an irremovable part of my life- coffee shops have a wonderful relaxing effect on my nerves. When I spend time in one, I am convinced that the world and it's people may not be perfect, but there is no real need to worry and it's possible to make something cool out of everything painfully uncool, given the right outlook. They also seem to elevate to me an extremely energetic state when it comes to making conversation or cranking up the creative engine in the head.

So here is a short list of some things I imagine an ideal coffee shop should contain (hopefully my faithful readers will contribute via comments)

To sit: The seating arrangements must have just the right density: not so spread out that it kills the vibe, and not so dense that I am tripping over stuff when I walk, or have someones elbow in my coffee when I am comfortably parked. For a bunch of us to sit down and talk about our lives, a huge, soft red sofa to crash on with a nice carpet underneath. Also, a convenient option to find the little two chairs and a table for the obvious purpose.

The View: Glass panes instead of walls as much as possible- if it's a big city, to soak in the vibrancy, and if it's college, to study the floating population.

Art: Modern art on the walls- very, very, crazy and modern. Walls are useful real estate to add jazz to the place, and vintage masters belong to museums, not coffee shops.

Temperature: Should be perfect again- I should be able to spend insane amounts of time in comfort without my shivering like it's Siberia or sweating like it's the Sahara. Very critical- needs to be just right again!

No: No, TV's- I have seen coffee shops with TV's and they ruin everything. Some of them insist on leaving them on in mute, and that makes no sense.

Wish list: I would really like to see a coffee shop with lava lamps. Many, many lava lamps in many, many colours; one that has seating outside on a vintage cobblestone/stone pavement (I suppose this is how European cafes would be?).

Coffee-shop: everything from the pillar of my social life to my nirvana-giving modern monastery.