The love of appreciation

People express themselves in many forms—some write poetry, some make music, some paint pictures; the list is endless. In fact, in daily life, people are always expressing their innermost desires and ambitions in some form or another even without their knowing it.

I have always wondered how much of the motivation for expression or creativity comes from the true love of expression itself and how much from the thirst for appreciation. Many of us would like to believe that the need for appreciation or fame is not the reason why we do what we do. We do what we do because we love doing those things. But there is always that little void, however small, inside us waiting, almost begging, to be filled with a little praise, approval, and perhaps even love. That little void is why musicians perform in front of audiences, why there are art galleries and not art warehouses, why I am writing this article on a blog instead of simply saving a copy of it for myself. It is unfortunate that there is this complex interplay between chemicals and electric impulses in our brain that is responsible for the dreadful currency called emotion; and sometimes, we are held hostage by the uncontrollable greed to make a profit in this currency.

Would we play music if we knew nobody is ever going to listen to us play? Would we paint if we knew nobody is going to look? Would we write if we knew nobody is going to read? Does there have to be an external reward associated with every pursuit?

My suspicion is that we are always on the lookout for some form of positive feedback. I have tried to kick the habit. But I always want to see eyes shine when I look into them, and I want to hear the thrill in the voice that speaks about me. And I am sure I am not the only one. This thirst for appreciation is self-destructive. Self-destructive because what is at the core of appreciation is an opinion, and opinions are quite often biased, skewed, or just plain blind. It seems too risky a proposition to surrender personal happiness to such a fair-weather-friend.

Eventually, we have the right to do what makes us happy and feel like there is a point in staying alive. But perhaps we are better off steering clear of the desire for external rewards.

Now, the hypocrite that I am, I post this on what is perhaps the most widely accessed medium in the world. It seems like there are still mountains to climb.